Renewing intentions.

I am happy. Finally.

At first, I felt a mix of messy emotions. I experienced joy, sadness and disappointment all at the same time. I couldn't find myself in the pile of confusion. I found it hard to accept my accomplishment and success but desired and wished to have scored lower. Can you guess that I was not grateful and satisfied enough at that time? Humans are like that, yearning to have what they do not and disliking what they had received.

Little did I know, there was something hidden in between the lines that could make me happy. And Alhamdulillah, I found it. What exactly was it?

During my second semester of my foundation period, my Understanding Islam lecturer gave us some useful advice during the last class. She said, " Renew your intention when you learn. Do not learn just for the sake of scoring the exams. Because I can assure you, what you learn, you will remember for a week max. Gain knowledge for the worldly life and the afterlife. Only then will you remember what you have learnt. InshaAllah. "

And that was what I did last semester, my final semester. Each and every time before I studied or did my notes, I did this little prayer in my heart and mind: " Ya Allah, ya tuhanku. Berikan aku ingatan kuat untuk ingat semua yang aku baca, semua yang aku belajar ni untuk kegunaan dunia dan akhirat. Amin. ( Oh Allah. Please grant me with a good memory such that I remember all that I will read, all that I will study for the benefit for the worldly life and afterlife. Amin. )"

Even though you may doubt whether it really worked or not, whether it actually contributed to my good results, but I chose to believe so.

Besides doing a little prayer, I also did another change during my last semester. I get restless easily during classes, especially during those two-hour lectures. Even 30 minutes through I am already getting bored. Whenever I start feeling negative and cranky, I pull myself together and I think to myself, " I'm here to learn and gain knowledge. May Allah help me. "

I found it easier then. And what's cooler is, I found myself being more positive than ever.

May Allah bless her and her kind words for helping me.